June Story Challenge Day 1 – Nonpareil

So here’s today’s story. It’s flash fiction and a splash-onto-the-paper-no-editing draft, so… er… yeah. Have fun anyway!

 

Nonpareil

Good afternoon. Mr Reginald, is that right? Thank you for making the time this afternoon to see me, although if we’re being frank it’s almost like I’m the one doing you the favour, isn’t it, haha. You can probably just go ahead and cancel the other interviews. Sit here? Thanks.

Of course I’d be happy to answer questions. Ask away!

My education? Yes. Well… no. It’s very misleading. My marks are really a very poor reflection of my development as a person. I’m simply not a victim of intellectual bondage, and as we all know public schooling is hardly an accurate measure of intelligence, independence, creativity or any of my strong qualities. I have an extremely high IQ.

What’s twenty-nine times eighty-four? You want me to answer that now? Well yes, of course I can answer, it’s just an odd question. Do you ask that to all the other candidates? I mean, that specific question? What was it again? Twenty-five times eighty… sorry, could you repeat it?

Oh no that’s quite alright. I can see you’re a tough one, which is why I feel so confident that you’ll be able to see the value that I’ll bring to your company.

My work history, yes. As you’ll see on my CV I’ve had extensive experience in customer relations, dealing with all kinds of situations. I’m very good with people, very very good at managing people. I’m very confident, you see, and I think people respond well to that. That’s why I think I’d be an excellent manager. Well no, I’ve never had a managerial position per se, but I’ve basically been a manager. At my previous position… well, let’s just say the, quote, official, unquote, manager trusted me implicitly. He basically got me to do a lot of his work. I was the go-to guy, you know? So I think I have a lot of relevant skills, like leadership and being able to work as part of a team, or really lead the time. I have a very strong personality.

Hmmm… let’s see. A weak point… well I guess I’d have to say I get too emotionally involved in things and I like to succeed… er, sorry? What do you mean, pulling a Hilary Clinton? Oh she said that once? Haha, what a coincidence! I guess great minds must think alike. I guess my weakness is that I’m too smart, haha, haha. Or maybe a little psychic.

Now I know… I beg your pardon? What do you mean, you called my previous employer to discuss me? Isn’t that unethical? And they said what? Oh that’s just a misunderstanding. No, I’m sure that’s not what he meant. Trust me, I’ve known him for years and he’s a real joker sometimes. A real character.

No really, I don’t think you have the full picture. I would really be an asset to this company, I promise you! Hiring me would be investing in your company’s future! I…

What? I mean sorry, I beg your pardon. You’re what? Giving me a job? In the PR department? I mean… it’s not exactly what I applied for but… well, yes, I suppose if you think that’s where my talents would be best utilised… perhaps in a few months I could re-apply for manager… oh haha, I mean, I do have extensive experience in sales. I once ran a very successful advertising campaign at the old place, which definitely boosted sales.

Well, I’m just so glad. I’m looking forward to getting started. I have a lot of ideas I’m sure you’ll like. And thank you, Mr Reginald. You won’t regret this, haha.

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